So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
