I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
