One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
