I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
