your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
