First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
