All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
