I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
