Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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