My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
