hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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