Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
