i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
