my mouth tastes like poor choices
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
