if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
