The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
