guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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