i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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