ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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