I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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