It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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