my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
