That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
