my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When are your genitals available?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
