Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
