Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Are we still banned from the library?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
