Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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