I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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