remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
40s are totally the cure
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
