Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
