when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're like the curious george of whores
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
