1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
