New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
