i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
