i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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