someone get that fucking seahorse.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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