i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
