Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
