Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
