I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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