we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
