Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
