I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
