Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
