I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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