my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
