drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
