i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
