I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
