Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
