i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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