I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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